I don’t want this to come across as mopey, a cry for attention (it’s most certainly not) or just a typical millennial post, but I’ve read a lot of posts online about women in their late twenties that don’t have a lot of friends which has been playing on my mind a lot lately. So of course I wanted to put in my two pennies worth to the conversation.
Is it normal to not have a large circle of friends in your late twenties? Should you be rolling with the same crew you had in year two (I hope you appreciate the rhyme I had going on there)? Is it possible to feel lonely without being alone?
I’ve never had many friends and have always been the person that flits between friendship groups, staying until I no longer felt part of the circle and moved on to others in an attempt to find “my people”. I’ve lost count of the friendship groups I’ve flown around over the years and am in agreement with a lot of others that there is so much pressure to have your “girl group” a group of friends that do everything together, share their ups and downs in life, ride or die.
How many memes and gifs do you see on a regular basis pop up on your timeline about female friendships? How often do you see a group of friends continuously sharing their celebrations; hen do’s, weddings, girly holidays?
Navigating adult female friendships is even more difficult when you’ve got magazines pushing the idea that having a solid circle of friends like the women in Sex and the City is more important than anything else in your life (cue Glamour & Cosmo) – it doesn’t help girls like me who start to feel they’re inadequate for not having that same reliance on their friends or not having plans with them every single weekend.
At school, college, university and work it’s always been the same for me – I’d walk up to someone, instigate a conversation and make a friend, until it came to making plans when I would be shunned (not always!) but in a polite manner. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never not had any friends – I just don’t have a friend that I must talk to every day without fail.
I can’t remember the last time an IRL friend messaged me to see how I am or to make plans to pop over to see me (I always have to go out to see friends). I always seem to be the person instigating a conversation and quite frankly, it feels shit. It feels shit seeing friends making plans quite openly on social media and knowing you weren’t invited, or were invited as an afterthought when you happened to message them at the time.
I think this topic has been on my mind a bit more as I’ve been going through some health issues and nobody has called or messaged to ask how I am or how something went. After my lumbar puncture in London (which was terrifying and fucking painful) not one of my friends asked how it went, I had to bring it up into conversation or post on social media about it. I understand people have their own lives, partners, families and kids, but friendship is a two way thing, or so the media would have me believe anyway.
I don’t know if I’m overthinking (I’m guilty of doing this quite a lot) or if I’m just being hormonal after having my coil fitted a couple of weeks ago (lol), but maybe I’ve drifted away from everyone since getting ill? I’ll put my hands up and say I’ve holed myself up in my flat since I had my seizure last year, in part because I couldn’t drive for a year, but also because I was terrified of going out and it happening again.
Sometimes it feels like Aaron’s the only friend I have and I get quite jealous that he’s always chatting on the phone to his mates or planning to meet up at a lake somewhere. Why don’t I have that?
Is it impossible to keep or make friends in your late twenties? Have you ever struggled with it? Let me know in the comments below and make sure to share if you related – maybe we can all find some friends.
bloggerfashionfashion blogfashion bloggerfashion inspirationfbloggerfemale friendsfemale friendshipsfriendslife long friendsnot a lot of friends
This is a highly relatable post, and I’m in the exact same position as yourself; always moving from group to group and not having that ‘girl group’. It is so much harder to make friends once you hit your 20s. Always looking for new friends!
Nat x | https://www.nataliehansonblog.wordpress.com
Thank you lovely and glad I’m not the only one on the hunt for a solid group of friends! Definitely harder when you’re older! ❤️
I can so relate to this! If you ever wanna talk, or just hang out, I’m here, looking for a new bestie!
Ahh thanks lovely! Glad you can relate too ❤️❤️
There is way too much pressure to find a solid friendship group.. especially a ‘girl gang’. I flutter from group to group all the time too, I also have a lot more guy friends then I do girl, and that’s okay! Never feel ashamed to not have a set group of friends for 10+ years 🙂 Sometimes friends you’ve only known for a year or less can be better friends then the ones you’ve known for years and years.
Hope you find some friends that will treat you better than your old ones!
Thank you lovely. And it’s so true, the whole girl gang culture is doing my head in!
I can relate to this so much it hurts! I do have friends and I will admit they have really come through for me when it’s convenient but a lot of other times I really feel like they don’t or haven’t made enough effort when I’ve actually needed it. Even times when I’ve posted on social media about how unwell or down I’ve been and I’ve had messages and comments from people online but not one from people who I’ve supposedly been super close to for years. Throughout my illness I’ve gone out of my way to message others to keep up with their lives and rarely feel like they reciprocated the care and interest so in the end I gave up which made me lose a lot of friends. I’ve also had people message me like ‘Oh we’ll have to meet up when you’re better!’, like yeah okay that’d be nice but what stopped you from coming to see me when I was really unwell and desperately needed company?… I am lucky in that I do have a few fabulous friends but it really does hurt when people you thought really cared about you let you down! I think “girl gangs” are overrated, there’s always some sort of divide down the middle and a lot of bitchiness for some reason. You’re fabulous Gaby and deserve lovely friends!
Alice Xx
Fuck the girl gangs!! 🙌🏻🙌🏻😂😂 and after I posted this I had one of my best friends call me to check I was okay (I’d scheduled it and forgot so was like “errr yeah?” 😂) – it wasn’t a cry out or anything, but it does show who your real friends are when shit’s going down. You deserve all the fabulous friends too Alice and I really hope we can meet IRL! ❤️❤️
It really does, my best friend of 8 years was the only one outside of family/jake & his family to come and visit me in hospital! She bought me gifts and sat and talked with me, stayed whilst doctors were in and out and it’s something I will never forget ❤️ I’m glad one of your pals called and I hope you’re feeling a bit better now after your call 😊 I honestly would love nothing more than to meet up!! I’m hoping next Summer maybe? ☺️💗
I felt a lot better, she’s a bloody diamond that girl! And Sounds great to me!! ❤️❤️
I feel the same Gaby! I don’t have a lot of friends, or a ‘group’. I have individual friends that I see independently of one another and I quite like it that way! I used to hate it and feel really left out, but actually I really appreciate the friends that I do have because they totally get me. I’m really sorry that your friends have made you feel this way – it’s horrible because you seem like the loveliest and funniest gal ever. I would love to be your friend!! 🙂 xo
Char | http://www.charslittleblog.co.uk
Ahh thanks lovely and I’m kind of the same, a few individual friends but not a whole group! I’ve had my best friend get in touch which was lovely and we had a good old chat which made me feel a whole lot better ❤️
It’s fine. In my opinion today there’s a lot of pressure to have girl groups because of social media.
So much pressure right?! I’m starting to accept my very small circle!
true. I dont see the big deal with having a big girl groups. i feel like having a big girl groups its just too much handel and you wont be close with some girls in the groups
I have a couple of friends I’m really close to, and if we don’t talk every day it’s every other day. I wouldn’t say we are a girl gang, because they don’t actually know each other. The closest I’ve got to being in a girl gang was at high school, and that was nearly 10 years ago! I managed to make 2 really good friends in my mid-twenties (they are ones I talk to regularly, but we live nowhere near each other so we hardly see each other!).
I’ve started to think about my friends and I think I don’t have the “girl gang” because I have friends from different circles too!