Ahh bless you Gaby, It’s so nice to hear about your journey and how you’re so gradually getting back to normal! It really gives me some hope for when I’m recovering from my surgery that slow but steady really does win the race. So cute that your auntie has been there for you to have a little chat to aswell whilst you’re driving. I can’t imagine life without a car now, it’s giving me such hatred and anxiety about buses too!
SING IT FOR ME SHREK!
I’m not going to lie, I really struggled for a post idea and was sat pondering as to what I wanted to talk about (I’ve got some ideas for next week but am waiting for a couple of bits to finish before I can share) when I was flicking through my camera roll and came across a couple of selfies I decided to take in my car when the sun was shining (my hair also looked great and I needed to document that shit – air dried in the sunshine, look at that wave!)
It was then that I thought I’d provide you all with a bit of a life update.
Driving became a bit of a novelty until about 18 months ago when I fainted and couldn’t drive for 6 months, then again just over a year ago when I had a seizure for the first time in 8 years. As an epileptic, I have to be seizure free for a year before I’m able to get behind the wheel again – so it was bye bye independence and hello to a new low of anxiety, being a social recluse, hypochondriac and to be honest, a slight bit of depression.
A year can fly by in many respects, but it can drag when you’re waiting for something to happen – especially when you can’t jump in the car to pop round to your mate’s house.
But the day after our wedding marked a year from my last seizure and the end of what felt like a prison sentence. And of course, Aaron insisted that I drive to Gatwick airport the day after that, because he couldn’t be bothered to be the driver on that hideous trip 🙄 WELCOME BACK BEHIND THE WHEEL GABY!
It’s been about a month from us getting back from Bali (how I miss it so!) and me being back to “normal” – I’ve started some new meds for my anxiety and definitely think getting my independence back has helped me start to feel like Gaby again.
Driving is like riding a bike; you never forget (if you’ve been doing it long enough anyway) – before going back to work I had a doctors appointment and it was the first time I was going to be driving alone as Aaron had been with me on the other little trips we’d made. I was shitting a brick when I was walking down the stairs and out to the car, but I unlocked it, sat down, turned on the ignition and felt fine! I went into auto-pilot and before I knew it, I was pulling into the surgery and parking!
The last few weeks have really helped; I’ve got handsfree in my car so I started calling my auntie in the morning for my commute into work, at first talking to her from when I first pulled off to when I arrived, I’m now just calling her for a catch up and will listen to the news on the radio, a little song if it’s something I enjoy and just give her a call to say hello! I still feel anxious when I’m driving – not because anything has happened when I’ve been in the car, but because it’s an easy time for your mind to wander and anxiety manifest.
I’m still not 100% back to normal in terms of my mental health – I’m still walking a bit weird, have moments of panic and brain fog, but I’m getting there. And driving again has helped me a lot.
Let me know if you’ve had to stop driving in the comments below and how you’ve coped!
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