SING IT FOR ME SHREK!
I’m not going to lie, I really struggled for a post idea and was sat pondering as to what I wanted to talk about (I’ve got some ideas for next week but am waiting for a couple of bits to finish before I can share) when I was flicking through my camera roll and came across a couple of selfies I decided to take in my car when the sun was shining (my hair also looked great and I needed to document that shit – air dried in the sunshine, look at that wave!)
It was then that I thought I’d provide you all with a bit of a life update.
Driving became a bit of a novelty until about 18 months ago when I fainted and couldn’t drive for 6 months, then again just over a year ago when I had a seizure for the first time in 8 years. As an epileptic, I have to be seizure free for a year before I’m able to get behind the wheel again – so it was bye bye independence and hello to a new low of anxiety, being a social recluse, hypochondriac and to be honest, a slight bit of depression.
A year can fly by in many respects, but it can drag when you’re waiting for something to happen – especially when you can’t jump in the car to pop round to your mate’s house.
But the day after our wedding marked a year from my last seizure and the end of what felt like a prison sentence. And of course, Aaron insisted that I drive to Gatwick airport the day after that, because he couldn’t be bothered to be the driver on that hideous trip 🙄 WELCOME BACK BEHIND THE WHEEL GABY!
It’s been about a month from us getting back from Bali (how I miss it so!) and me being back to “normal” – I’ve started some new meds for my anxiety and definitely think getting my independence back has helped me start to feel like Gaby again.
Driving is like riding a bike; you never forget (if you’ve been doing it long enough anyway) – before going back to work I had a doctors appointment and it was the first time I was going to be driving alone as Aaron had been with me on the other little trips we’d made. I was shitting a brick when I was walking down the stairs and out to the car, but I unlocked it, sat down, turned on the ignition and felt fine! I went into auto-pilot and before I knew it, I was pulling into the surgery and parking!
The last few weeks have really helped; I’ve got handsfree in my car so I started calling my auntie in the morning for my commute into work, at first talking to her from when I first pulled off to when I arrived, I’m now just calling her for a catch up and will listen to the news on the radio, a little song if it’s something I enjoy and just give her a call to say hello! I still feel anxious when I’m driving – not because anything has happened when I’ve been in the car, but because it’s an easy time for your mind to wander and anxiety manifest.
I’m still not 100% back to normal in terms of my mental health – I’m still walking a bit weird, have moments of panic and brain fog, but I’m getting there. And driving again has helped me a lot.
Let me know if you’ve had to stop driving in the comments below and how you’ve coped!