In the run up to our wedding, I’m starting to feel the difference in how I perceive stress, even more so in the last year where I’ve had some very testing times.
I’ll be completely honest in saying that I don’t handle stress very well and have been someone that’s historically kept everything inside until it builds up to a point where I have a seizure (the last two I’ve had in the last ten years have been an after effect of some stressful periods in my life) – being epileptic, I know this isn’t an option and if I want to remain seizure free I need to manage it in a much better way than I have done in the past.
I’m writing this post after a pretty stressful day at work – not a bad life/death stress situation, just a bit more challenging than I’ve had in quite a while work-wise, so when it came on I was extremely aware of what it was doing to my body.
I don’t know if it’s because we’re less than a month away from the wedding and everything seems to be more real than it has been before, but it really got to me more than I’d ever noticed before (I’m thinking yes?) – my body has been aching, I feel more on edge than usual (because I’ve been very anxious lately, I’m always on bloody edge) and just a bit jittery.
So I’m trying to take a step back and chill. I’ve been thinking about the things that make me feel “zen” and calm like; reading a good book, watching a comedy on Netflix (I’ve been obsessed with Jane the Virgin and can’t believe how late I am to the party!) and best of all, writing. Not tapping away on my keyboard, but picking up a pen and pouring out events from the day in an old fashioned diary.
My Mum bought me one of the best diaries I’ve ever had for Christmas from Dawn French, Me – You – A Diary and I can’t imagine how I could get by without it. I’ve noticed that if some time passes before I scribble away that my stress levels rise without me really taking notice or paying attention – that little scribble each day keeps me sane! I’ve been loving this diary as it’s got little snip-bits each month which Dawn has written herself, giving a bit of encouragement and reason to continue writing which I’ve been loving.
I know I need to start practicing mindfulness, meditation or yoga, but this is the start of me trying to control my stress levels – it’s not healthy for me (especially because too much stress can lead to a seizure for me) and quite frankly, I just don’t like it!
And do you know what? I feel a lot less jittery since I started writing this post, so I’m going to run a bath, prop my laptop on the toilet (I’m not suave enough to have bought a bath caddy),watch Jane the Virgin and CHILL THE FUCK OUT!