How epilepsy has changed my thinking

How epilepsy has changed my thinking

I’ve been epileptic since I was a kid and didn’t know until last year that a childhood diagnosis meant it was a diagnosis for life. Now I know this is slightly (okay VERY) off topic in comparison to what I usually discuss on here, but I’ve just needed to get some thoughts off of my chest and out in the open – I’ll try to keep this as witty as usual, because if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s making a laugh out of a bad situation 😉.
If you don’t already know and you’re new here, I came out of remission from my epilepsy after being seizure free for eight years in May 2017 and am quickly coming up to the anniversary, which means I can get back on the road again and the likelihood of it happening again is diminishing (thank the fucking lord – I miss my car so much and it pains me to pay for the bastard to sit there without being driven until the weekends when Aaron chauffeurs me around like the queen I am).
In the past year I’ve noticed how much this one seizure has impacted my daily thoughts and wanted to share some of the unreasonable ones that I will challenge in my head, because quite frankly they’re hilarious at times.

Subconcious: “Oooh best not have a shower, you might slip, have a seizure and get your head stuck next to the toilet.”
Conscious: “Gaby, you read about a girl fainting and getting her head stuck by the toilet and biting her tongue so she wasn’t allowed to drive for a year – this isn’t going to happen and you’re on the anti-seizure meds now.”

Subconscious: “Pins and needles?! Nah you’re going to lose consciousness and have a seizure again – best not stand up or walk down ANY stairs.”
Conscious: “You sat on your legs at your desk again Gaby, what have we said about doing this?! It’s how you twisted your ankle and fell into your wardrobe at Grandma’s house when you were doing your fashion illustrations for Uni – don’t be a dumb bitch for once?!”

Subconscious: “Belly feels a bit icky, I think you’re going to black out again – that’s what happened last time…”
Conscious: “You ate a very spicy curry that doesn’t bode well for your stomach. Have the curry poo and get on with your life.”

Subconscious: “Headache?! Your brain isn’t ready for this today, you’re definitely having an aura right now.”
Conscious: “You drank most of that bottle of red wine in spritzers last night and have what we call a HANGOVER. You don’t get aura’s.”

Subconcious: “OH NO STAIRS! This is where all of the seizures you recall have happened, you know if you walk down these concrete ones outside of the flat you’re going to have a seizure and don’t hold out hope that the crazy man on the ground floor will save you, he won’t hear you over the weird recordings he has playing to bring the spirits from the afterlife out to talk to him.”
Conscious: “You’ve walked down these stairs hundreds, heck THOUSANDS of times and you’ve been fine, stop being so bloody dramatic.”
And I think I’ll leave it there; some of the more ridiculous thoughts my subconscious has conjured over the last year – I could go on for ages, but I’ve cherry picked the funny ones for you all 😉
Let me know if you’ve had some unreasonable thoughts about any health related issues in the comments, in the mean time I’m going to sit back and relish the fact I’m putting the age of twenty-five behind me tomorrow.

24 Comments

  1. April 4, 2018 / 5:21 pm

    Awww Gabi, you poor thing! All I can say is that you’ve handled it well. I know there’s been a lot of ups and downs, but you’ve kept going and stayed positive! Congrats on your anniversary! and also
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR TOMORROW! <3 xxx

    • April 4, 2018 / 5:23 pm

      Thank you lovely, still got just over 7 weeks to go (which is mental – can you believe it was almost a year ago we were strutting round Hitchin getting snaps!) and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU FOR TOMORROW TOO TWINNY!!! ❤️❤️❤️

  2. April 6, 2018 / 8:42 am

    Oh god I can relate to this so much! The bad thing is that anxiety proper triggers my disease so sometimes I’ll worry about things happening and then they actually happen but they only do because I worry, it’s so stupid. I feel for you so much, it must be so crap not being able to drive but it’ll feel so good when you get your freedom back! And I really really hope that your body behaves and keeps you well for a long time to come! Also a lot of these really did make me giggle, “have a curry poo and get on with your life” HA brilliant.
    Alice Xx
    http://www.blacktulipbeauty.co.uk

    • April 6, 2018 / 8:48 am

      Ahh I know right?!! Anxiety is a bloody endless circle and although you consciously know you’re okay, it’s so hard to stop all of those crazy thoughts and worries from going away!
      And lol, wasn’t sure if the curry poo bit was too much 😂😂😂❤️❤️

  3. April 6, 2018 / 9:52 am

    `i am so sorry to hear this. Ones mind can be ones worse enemy. I know what it is like to have something that changes your whole life and all I can say is baby steps. Take it one day at a time

    • April 6, 2018 / 10:08 am

      Thank you lovely, you’re totally right about your mind being your own worst enemy at times! ❤️

  4. April 6, 2018 / 8:00 pm

    Ah Gabs, it must be tough!
    You are always so positive and hilarious! Good job for keeping your moral high and seeing the humorous side of life <3

    • April 6, 2018 / 8:08 pm

      Ahh it’s not so bad, some people get it a lot worse than me! And thank you ❤️❤️

  5. April 6, 2018 / 8:17 pm

    Glad it’s close to your one year anniversary! Also enjoyed this post and that you have found the humour in this! Although I do not suffer with anything, I do too relate with my subconscious thinking I’ll fall down the stairs ALL THE TIME. Like I must have an underlying fear of the stairs..
    Lily | The Wellbeing Edit

    • April 6, 2018 / 10:06 pm

      Ahh thanks lovely – I think my stair thing is because it’s where I had my first one and the other two I remember have been on them! Nightmare 😂❤️

  6. April 6, 2018 / 9:26 pm

    I love how you’ve handled this topic – I giggled so many times, especially at all the stair thoughts! I’m sure you’re super excited to start driving again, you’re so nearly there.. 🙊

    • April 6, 2018 / 10:09 pm

      Haha thank you lovely – no joke that’s actually my thought process, I know it’s ridiculous but it does make me laugh 😂❤️

  7. April 8, 2018 / 10:25 am

    It must be tough to deal with this, I can imagine being nervous and paranoid from past experiences. It’s good that you can make light of it though, all of these points had me laughing so much, especially the curry poo and the bit about being chauffeured around like the Queen you are 😂
    Alice | http://www.accordingtoalicex.com

    • April 8, 2018 / 10:31 am

      Ahh it’s a bloody nightmare, but making a laugh just makes it easier to cope 😂 and I was laughing about the curry poo bit when I was typing, so I’m glad you found it funny too 😂😂❤️❤️

  8. jazziepickles
    April 8, 2018 / 3:06 pm

    I had no idea you ever had epilepsy. It’s only natural for your brain to think of these things sometimes. I have it whenever I walk in the dark from the one time I was attacked years and years ago. Everyone I see when it’s dark is instantly going to hurt me, take my things or follow me home. Hopefully it’s something that goes in time x

    • April 8, 2018 / 3:20 pm

      Yeah I don’t talk about it a lot on here – and can’t believe you were attacked, I’d be the same if that had happened to me!! Xx

  9. charlotteannelane103
    April 10, 2018 / 3:23 pm

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who has a conversation with themselves in their head!! It’s so great to hear that you’ve been seizure free for eight years (in May) Gaby 🙂 xo
    Char | http://www.charslittleblog.co.uk

    • April 10, 2018 / 4:20 pm

      Ahh I have lots 😂😂 and it’ll just be a year in May, it was 8 years but I had a seizure then so not long until I can drive again! Xx

  10. May 31, 2018 / 2:32 pm

    I have a son with a severe form of epilepsy called Dravet Syndrome, horrid disease. I love your humor, it’s really all you have when facing such challenges as yourself or my son. Thanks for the smiles you gave me. Checkout my blog if you want to be depressed lol. https://cruelandunusualcircumstances.com/

    • May 31, 2018 / 2:36 pm

      Ahh I’m so sorry, it’s a truly shitty thing to have, but I’m glad to have made you smile 😊 will deffo go and have a look ❤️

  11. July 26, 2018 / 11:16 pm

    i got diagnosed with epilepsy at 18months and i find it hard to live with as i can’t do things other people can and there’s always risks with things. but it’s changes the way i think for sure makes me have mood swings constantly and makes me depressed and anxious alot its rare that it’s positive ever since I’ve been on keppra

    • July 27, 2018 / 7:23 am

      How long have you been on Keppra for? I’ve been taking it for just over a year now and found that my mood and irritability died down a lot once the mess settled in my system. Try to speak to someone if you’re feeling anxious and depressed about it, it’s a really shitty thing to go through but there’s always help available ❤️

      • July 27, 2018 / 8:54 am

        I’ve been taking it for a year at end of August.
        mine aint calm down at all I notice when I take it within aboit 30min my mood changes a bit and sometimes affects my relationship with people it dont help when u got adhd too or mental health ossies.
        true there is always help available

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